What should I do if I keep getting incident reports from childcare?

Receiving incident reports from childcare is something most parents never quite get used to. Even when the incidents are minor, they still have the potential to derail an otherwise smooth day.

Over time though, many of us come to understand that incident reports are a normal part of everyday life in early childhood settings. They’re designed to support transparency and open communication with families, document patterns or concerns over time, and help support children’s safety, development and wellbeing. But if the reports start to feel a little too frequent, it’s completely understandable to begin wondering things like:

• “Is this normal? Should I be worried?”
• “Does this mean childcare isn’t working?”
• “Why does this keep happening?”

When we spoke to early childhood teacher and registered play therapist Emma Rattenbury on the Between Us Mums podcast, one of the most reassuring things she explained was that incident reports are often much more about communication and transparency than judgement or blame.

What incident reports are actually for

Incident reports exist to:

• document what happened
• keep families informed
• ensure transparency
• support children’s safety and wellbeing

In many cases, they’re also a sign that educators are:

• supervising carefully
• paying attention
• communicating openly with families

Perhaps most importantly; frequent reports do not automatically mean your child is “bad” or that you’re failing as a parent.

It’s okay to feel emotional about repeated reports

Even when incidents are minor or developmentally normal, repeated reports can still feel exhausting.

Many parents describe feeling embarrassed, guilty, or worried their child is being labelled - and those feelings make perfect sense.

Often, behaviours are communicating stress, overwhelm, frustration or skills still developing - not intentional “bad behaviour.” If you’d like to better understand why behaviours like biting, hitting and pushing can happen in early childhood settings, we explore this topic more deeply in Is it normal for children to bite, hit or push at childcare?

What educators are usually trying to communicate

It can sometimes feel like repeated incident reports are criticism. But in quality childcare settings, incident reports are usually intended to:

• keep you informed
• document patterns or concerns
• support consistency between home and care
• encourage collaboration with families

Most educators are not expecting children to behave perfectly all the time, and they’re not expecting parents to have all the answers either. What they’re usually hoping for is open communication and partnership.

Questions that can help shift the conversation

If reports are becoming frequent, it can help to move from panic to curiosity. Instead of focusing only on the incident itself, you might ask educators:

• Have you noticed any patterns?
• Are there certain times of day this tends to happen?
• What seems to help my child regulate?
• Are there particular triggers or situations?
• How can we support consistency between home and childcare?

These kinds of conversations often feel much more productive and supportive than trying to “fix” behaviour quickly.

Different behaviour at childcare vs home can be normal

Many parents feel confused when behaviours happen at childcare that they rarely see at home. But childcare and home are very different environments with different emotional, social and sensory demands. If this is something you’re experiencing, we explore more of Emma’s insights in Why does my child behave differently at childcare than at home?

What healthy educator-parent communication looks like

One of the biggest things to look for is not whether incidents happen at all, because they often do in early childhood settings. What matters more is:

• how educators communicate with you
• whether conversations feel respectful
• whether concerns are explained clearly
• whether you feel included in problem-solving

Good communication should leave you feeling:

• informed
• supported
• respected
• part of the team

Not blamed or shamed.

When should parents seek extra support?

Occasional incident reports are a very normal part of group care and early childhood. But if:

• incidents are becoming very frequent
• behaviours seem to be escalating
• your child appears distressed most days
• educators are expressing ongoing concerns
• childcare participation is becoming difficult

…it may help to explore additional support. That might involve:

• speaking with your GP
• consulting a psychologist, OT or speech pathologist
• working collaboratively with educators
• exploring emotional regulation or sensory supports

Seeking support early is not something to feel ashamed about. In many cases, it simply helps everyone better understand what your child may be needing.

A word of reassurance

Repeated incident reports can feel emotionally draining, especially when you’re already navigating the big transition into childcare. But they do not automatically mean your child is “bad”, childcare is failing or you’re doing something wrong.

Young children are still learning how to navigate relationships, emotions and busy social environments, and that learning can look messy at times. Try to view incident reports as an opportunity to work alongside your child’s educators, identify any patterns or triggers, and better understand what support strategies may help your child feel more successful and settled over time.